My · Thoughts · Among · the · Stars

A lot has happened in the last few weeks. Overview: Chase left for Tahoe, I went back to school, built gaming monster junior,laptop died, got in a car accidnet, started working again, living in apartment alone...

Those are the only ones I can remember right now, although explaining them would be a monster long post for me.

I have to leave for work here soon, but this will serve as a table of contents for the coming posts later today and tomorrow. Piece by piece I'll document my recent doings here for those who care, and many who don't. If something doesn't get up here fast enough poke me (those of you who might care know how to reach me!).

Gotta go to work now; I might get to update this there but unlikely. More to come soon!

~Jess

3:10 (same day)

So rather than start a new entry I decided to continue this entry (after all my list of what to talk about is here). Chase is in tahoe this week. He was gone this time last year too, and hence has never been to a renn faire. I miss him.

Next, well the gaming moster and my laptop are related. About two weeks ago now, the once beautiful fujitsu died. As far as I can tell it was a system board failure that is going to take forever to replace/repair and cost much money (altho mot as much as I spent on the gaming monster). More later, I need to get back to work.

It's coming up on another month since my last post. Sometimes you just don't feel like posting. A lot is currently on my mind. I tried watching Syriana tonight. Should have trusted my gut and passed, but my dad really wanted to see it and I dont' get to hang with him very often (which I miss). I was choking back the bile through the first 45 minutes before I gave up. Granted the movie did an amazing job of getting my emotionally involved and portraying compelling characters... it got the reviews it deserved.

I just can't stand ... movies like that.

I watch movies for the entertainment, the escape. I live a - shall we say, blindly blessed life compared to what I could live. I like it that way. I want control, I want to never have to bow down to people like that, to be slave to their cruel intentions... to feel powerless. Watching that movie almost made me want to quit my career before it was started. My dad went through engineering to business, to a world where he interacts with (I don't want to think he might be one of) those guys. I want to never go there. Just so you understand how serious a feeling I have, understand that I *LOVE* engineering. I love solving problems, looking at the world through math and science. None of that should lead me towards that scary world portrayed in Syriana... except that like my dad I like to lead, not follow. I take orders only so long as they help me to become the one giving them. And that scares me. I don't want to end up in that world of numbers and chess moves. My love for people may in fact lead me to such a life where people live and die by the numbers.

It's just a nightmare though. It's not as simple as "well just don't become that", but it's a long way off, my preferences may change. I may in fact become more the hermit as life goes on. I like people, but only in small doses, mitigated by lots of electrons.

All I can say is that if you want to show me a movie about how much life sucks and what not to become don't. It puts my mouth in a serious frown (for a resting position) and dramatically increases the bad jessie interaction chances (the kind where you come a way just as pissed as me after a lot of yelling). I like movies that remind me there's good in humanity, not point out the bad...

Oh well, nothign I can do about it now *sigh*.

In other news, I got new glasses... they're "shiny".

and I thought it good for me to update. No, really Leah just put this cool thing in her journal and I was tempted and decided to post my results. I just finished serving as a juror on a case. Ask me in person or via the internet if you want to know, I'm too tired to write it all out now.

Jessica's Past Lives

V V V

1686 BC: Wise Nomad

929 AD: A lady in waiting

1665 AD: A fisher

'What were you in your past lives?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Here's a doctored version (since I can sorta read HTML and have done C prgramming I was very tempted). Above is really from their site, below is just my fun.

Jessica's Past Lives

V V V

1686 BC: A Goddess

929 AD: A Goddess

1665 AD: A Goddess

'What were you in your past lives?' at QuizGalaxy.com

/end HTML fun
~Jess

So I figured not every single one of my posts needs be philosophical and insightful so here I am just rambling. Maybe something good will come out anyway.

Henry is here visiting Li but he goes home tonight. We all went to Steelhead last night and today had Cha for lunch (yay real food!). I'm now waiting for Chase and Allen to finish up a little work so we can all go play wow for the afternoon.

I had my physics final this morning, and while some of the problems were tough (I know I screwed one up and guessed on a couple of the MC) there are definately people who did worse. So I'm hopeful about my grade.

Random: yay for being able to touch type

Last night one of the toliets broke; it wouldn't stop flushing (as in the water kept running in then out of the bowl, nonstop, very loud, very late at night). Watching the RA's on duty (two girls) try to make it stop and then put the OUT OF ORDER sign on the door was pretty funny, kinda sad too because I have no idea how to make it stop and would look just as - if not more, silly.

This is long enough for now. Nothing special, just the underworkings of my brain. I'm gonna go play Sims 2 OFB now until the boys call (because I have nothign to do until Friday!).

So here I am in work with nothing better to do, so I'm typing a post on a noisy keyboard. As you may have noticed I tweeked the colors a bit. I'd love to put goast image of something astronomical but I dont' think I know how to/can on a free account.

My teachers this quarter brought up a good point: LJ and other blogs/journals/whatever-you-call-them posting sites are a form of archiving what we think is important about our lives (the common ones and the not so common ones). Beyond that I think they help us connect with each other and realize that we're all feeling similar about life (and it can add a bit of drama, for good or ill, to boring lives).

Anyways, I'd love to say that I've made some headway on the religion question I posted about a while ago but I haven't. About all I've decided is that I THINK all gods are made up to serve humanity's need to connect to the cosmic and our need to not be the big guys on the block. I think that regardless of however much we like to be the top of the food chain, being there and not having all the answers scares us.

I also think that whatever you get out of religion is what you put into it. A pretty wise friend of mine thinks that when you die, whatever you believe you deserve is what you're going to get (and I hope you don't mind that I said that on here). If that's true I really hope I get reincarnated as a human or get to just keep being me, a human me, somewhere else, because I think it can't really get any better than this.

I'm not being pessimistic (or optimistic or whatever!). This life has some really really great moments, some really really painful, trying ones and moments to fill the spectrum in between. If you go to 'hell' you theorectically (by christian dogma) get only the bad ones, and without good ones those lose their meaning. The same goes for 'heaven'. Life has the right (I refuse to call anything perfect!) balance between them so that everything can ellicit emotion, everything has meaning.

Even if I were to be reincarnated as someone far worse off than I am now, with no one to love or love me back, no food and other necessities, humanity has a propensity for change and to hope for that change to come about in a bettering way.

Anyways, we close soon and I need to help clean up, so this is long enough for now. I'd love someone to reply back, set up a dialogue, whatever so that I could discuss this with a living soul - someone not afraid to be wrong or discuss the unPC.

Well, byes for now all...

Yeah, we were supposed to play DnD today but that ended up not happening. Dave now has a job andit got int he way...:/ Shit happens. Sad part is that I was psyched for my new psion character and now I have to wait 2 weeks until I can play her.

Stupid school, all the good stuff is happening in 2 weeks when it is no longer in the way.

I've got physics, math and hume core finals coming up. All of which worry me in one way or another. The suckiest of suky things happening right now would be that both my math hume core finals are on the same day... back to back... right before my brother graduates HS. I'll have to blitz outta my finals, throw shit in my car, and bail faster than ever before if I want to make it home for the ceremony.

After that I get to do jury duty .... -_-.... and "move" into my CV apartment (yay cool roomies!). I'm so looking forward to cooking for myself. I know I hate cooking but dorm food... never ever again (another good thing that happens in 2 weeks: NO MORE DORM FOOD!). I also have really cool roomies for the apartment and an oncampus job (and possibly an even better paying on campus job on top of it all). I won't be staying in Irvine for the summer though. I need a break, badly, so I'll be home for at least the first summer session, then I might get bored and take a math class up there for the last 6 weeks and work and all.

Oh, yeah. I forget if I mentioned this before, but Chase and I and possibly Allen are gonna build a smexy desktop for the tech center so that any games I love but can't play (or play well... *cough*oblivion*cough*) on my now shitty laptop I can play on it and finally enjoy. Might even get a second harddrive and practice linux and C (or C++) programming on it.

Other than that I plan lots of DnD, lazy days, losing weight, and anything else that strikes me as fun.

Until then, (really until I'm done with CV move-in) I'm just hanging on for dear life and hoping my patience and will can hold out because I'm so sick of working on papers and living with inconsiderate people, away from some of my dearest friends and family. I'm tired of turning my life upside down for things that barely matter to me. Some hero I'd make.

Random: I just looked at the date and realized that Chase and I have been dating now for a year and 4 months.... scary but good scary.

I'll rant more later... if I feel like it.
~::~ Jess-kitty ~::~

So life continues... as it is want to do regardless of how we feel. Don't have a clue where that came from, weird shit just occassionally comes into my head. I have Chase for a whole weekend! So he and I are harrassing the Irvine corner of the world. Only sad part being that my parents get home from two weeks in Europe tomorrow and I won't be home to see them until next weekend. I also missed Allen's One Act whichwas supposedly awesome *tear* (and no one taped them that night cuz both Salas and Chase were in Lil Tokyo! Lame.). We're gonna go wander around the Spectrum soon and I'll maybe get the next expansion to Sims 2 (I'm 2 expansions behind... yes, I've become what I hated in HS). I get to see X3 this weekend with the other Shirelings at the End of Year Shire Banquet party thing too, so life looks to be settling out nicely. It was pretty hectic for a while and will be again when finals roll around and I have a paper due in 2 weeks so.. bleh.

On another note, anyone reading this know about building computers or know what would be good parts to put in one (not what but ... what's a good type to buy of each part)? If ya do leave a comment; building a desktop that can kick the shit outta Oblivion is my summer project.

Anyways, I'm gonna go read Tarot or paint my nails or something like that until we leave.

Toodles.

So i've owned a deck of Tarot cards for a while and still don't have all the meanings memorized. I think that irritates the cards. Still haven't figured out all of my beliefs concerning them, whether I believe them or not, and whether or not I'm christian any more. I definately still hold the christian morals but the dogma is messed up and doesn't feel true to me anymore. I'm not sure about religion any more.

Any way, I've decided not to do the math major, I'll do a math minor. I guess it's because I consider engineering as a pleasant passtime until I have a family. I like solving problems but can't see myself doing it forever. Also I reclaim my summer's with the minor and can take actually fun classes instead of all the painful ones required for the major... and I'm better at doing one thing well than doing two sorta well.

You can tell I've been convining myself of this as much as anyone else. I hate admiting that I can't do something, esspecially somethign that I planed one doing once.

Anway this is a long enough post for me... I'll try and post more regularly.
~Jess